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Fanfic 100 - by twisted_badger

FIC- Counting the Living: 2278 (B5 WIP)

Okay, I've managed to finish another segment this morning. This one also has spoilers for the end of the series, so new viewers beware.

It is the year 2278. The Centauri are still alive.

The palace doors have been thrown open, and a newly crowned emperor sits with his people at the banquet table. He watches the shifting patterns of color in the room - the flashes of shimmering silk, the rich brocades, the dark velvet cloaks, the occasional twinkle of a gem - and he smiles. Tonight, they have all dressed in their best - even the lowest born - and the room is suffused with a determined gaiety.

Outside, an icy wind whistles through seared, broken streets, tearing off the remains of tattered curtains in abandoned windows and scattering debris down dark alleyways. Throughout the city, ceremonial lanterns wink out, their delicate globes shattered by stones and dust. But inside the palace, it is warm, and the air is filled with music. The great hall smells of soap and linfra oil and incense and freshly baked bread.


Vir turns. By the table stand his old friend, Adi, and his wife, Amari. Amari is cradling a bundle in her arms. “Is that…?” Vir breathes, and Adi graces him with a crooked grin. Vir rises and with hesitant fingers peels aside layers of soft blankets until he reveals the face of a newborn infant within.

“He was born two days ago,” Adi tells Vir, his voice softened with paternal pride.

Adi’s sleeping son snuffles, pursing his lips twice. He is flushed a healthy shade of pink, and he smells of powder. “He’s beautiful… I mean, handsome… I mean… he’s perfect,” Vir stammers, suddenly overcome, his eyes flooded with tears. Then his smile broadens, and he takes hold of one tiny hand.

“And Andra was wondering if there was anything left to celebrate.”

Feedback is welcome!



Lovely. And your writing style is good, makes me envious.
Thank you! And I'm glad your first reaction was, "Awww!" That was my intention. *g*
You make lovely images; I can really see what you describe. And it gave me goosebumps again! :) The last line is adorable - as is your Vir. He's very believable.
Thanks. I was once told that good writing tries to utilize all five senses, and since then, I've tried to follow that advice. I'm glad it seems to be working this time around. *g*
Oh, lovely, sweet Vir-ness!
Hot DAMN you're good.

*points up* They said it all, but let me repeat: Awwwwwwwwwww, woobie, and fantastic verbal imagry. :D


This is on a par with noting that Sophia Loren has a smidge of spinach on one tooth:

in the room- the
Where you have a dash, you'll need to either separate it - with a
full space to either side or double it--to prevent it from being mistaken for a hyphen.

You might want an elipsis after the last sentence... or a dash--!

That said: More please!

Re: Thanks!

No one's ever told me about that dash rule. But I did change them. ;) Thank you for your interest and your compliments!